Duuuuude, I’m all outta butt wipes and I got a girl comin’ over tonight. Can I borrow some? She’s really special.
The Reality™ Institute is hosting a Hide-N-Seek in Elysian Park Saturday, June 10th at around 7 pm with DJ Ben my roomate.
IMPORTANT: In this blog post, I am not questioning whether or not Ben Nyberg wipes his own butt.
When I got home the other day, late at night, I walked up to the front door allllllll ready to get my keys out and unlock the door (which we use to keep burglars out of our apartment) and I saw that Ben had ABSENTMINDEDLY left his keys in the door. They were just dangling there!
Ben always does stuff like this. This is the order of operations for parking his car and the mnemonic he uses to remember how to park his car:
P- PULL up to wherever
O- OPEN the car door
K- try to get the KEYS out of the ignition
R- REALIZE that the car isn’t in park
P- put the car in PARK
K- try to get the KEYS out of the ignition
R- REALIZE that the engine isn’t turned off
E- turn the ENGINE off
K- take the KEYS out and close the door
So, when Ben is parking he literally says to himself, “Poop On Kids, Right? Poo Kids R Every Kid.”
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful.
Response: How forgetful is he?
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful that when he goes to wash his hands in the bathroom, he still has the toilet paper with the poop on it in his hand and he has to drop it in the toilet.
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful.
Response: How forgetful is he?
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful that when he goes to kiss a girl, he still has the toilet paper with the poop on it in his hand and he has to drop it in the toilet.
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful.
Response: How forgetful is he?
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful that when he goes to wipe his butt, he still has the toilet paper with the poop on it in his hand from the previous butt wipe and has to drop it in the toilet resulting in an infinite loop of butt wiping and butt wipe forgetting.
Response: That’s awful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here’s a culturally relevant picture.
