This song is about Ben. Ironically, he’s the one who introduced me to the song. Unironically, I’m going to visit him in New York next week. Unicornically, I will be horny. Unikronically, I will devour planets.
Living With Ben
i made a button for members of the ben nyberg appreciation society because ben moved to new york and life will never be the same. i regret everything i said about his farts (how he used to fart all the time and it smelled awful) and his “habits”. he’s gone now and i’ll never hear him play the “Pablo Honey” Radiohead album all the time like he used to do. he always said how Thom York felt like the “better version” of him. though i never could quite see that, it was endearing that he did. my life will never smell the same again without… ben
Duuuuude, I’m all outta butt wipes and I got a girl comin’ over tonight. Can I borrow some? She’s really special.
The Reality™ Institute is hosting a Hide-N-Seek in Elysian Park Saturday, June 10th at around 7 pm with DJ Ben my roomate.
IMPORTANT: In this blog post, I am not questioning whether or not Ben Nyberg wipes his own butt.
When I got home the other day, late at night, I walked up to the front door allllllll ready to get my keys out and unlock the door (which we use to keep burglars out of our apartment) and I saw that Ben had ABSENTMINDEDLY left his keys in the door. They were just dangling there!
Ben always does stuff like this. This is the order of operations for parking his car and the mnemonic he uses to remember how to park his car:
P- PULL up to wherever
O- OPEN the car door
K- try to get the KEYS out of the ignition
R- REALIZE that the car isn’t in park
P- put the car in PARK
K- try to get the KEYS out of the ignition
R- REALIZE that the engine isn’t turned off
E- turn the ENGINE off
K- take the KEYS out and close the door
So, when Ben is parking he literally says to himself, “Poop On Kids, Right? Poo Kids R Every Kid.”
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful.
Response: How forgetful is he?
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful that when he goes to wash his hands in the bathroom, he still has the toilet paper with the poop on it in his hand and he has to drop it in the toilet.
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful.
Response: How forgetful is he?
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful that when he goes to kiss a girl, he still has the toilet paper with the poop on it in his hand and he has to drop it in the toilet.
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful.
Response: How forgetful is he?
Call: Ben is sooo forgetful that when he goes to wipe his butt, he still has the toilet paper with the poop on it in his hand from the previous butt wipe and has to drop it in the toilet resulting in an infinite loop of butt wiping and butt wipe forgetting.
Response: That’s awful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here’s a culturally relevant picture.
DJ BEN sexpen was going to djay last time we threw a party/concert/event but then he got scared no one would dance even though he should realize that its a dajys job to MAKE people dance.
now we’re throwing another one and ben was so scared that hes running away to san diego. so we had to change the flyer and take his name off it. ben is a little shit and he smells like a big one. like his stupid cats
I don’t know, but I think Ben might have made a blog I didn’t know about. Greay is my favorite color. Why would he not tell me? Is it because he knew I would blog about it on my blog about him?
Pick One: Fart or Friend?
Is living with Ben Nyberg like having a big smelly fart that soaks into everything in the room/apt or like having a good friend around?
Well, ever since Ben invented “Pick One”, a website-thing where you pick things, it’s like having a friend that farts all the time, only instead of farts it’s “Hey, Mike, I got a million hits on Pick One!”. What I’m saying is, when Ben says stuff like that, it sounds like a fart to me and it smells like a fart to me.
That’s what it looks like. This is what it smells like: *farts*. But, hey, he’s a pretty good friend.
Here’s a link to Ben’s addictive farts.
Sound fights
Worst case scenario: you’re living with some hipster newbie who plays hipster newbie bullshit all the time. you try to play your own stuff to try and drown out that hipster shit so he buys an iPhone, downloads an iPhone app that lets him control your iTunes from his frakking phone!
that’s what it’s like living with ben. now, if i’m alseep and forget to turn off my computer, he starts playing Mariah Carey at full volume!
Living with Ben Nyberg is like living with AIDS
except you don’t have to worry about death or illness. All you have to worry about is paying bills on time! It’s really great. We hang out and talk about the internet or whatever. Sometimes we listen to music and drink beer or watch TV shows.
It’s just like AIDS except you never have to get sick that bad. Also, just like with AIDS, you have a terrible stigma attached to you.
“Oh, you live with Ben?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m… so sorry. You’re so brave. I don’t know if I could have your courage.”
And I always say, “Hey! It’s not that bad. He’s even got a blog.
